young teenager. Probably the best headline I had ever read. Imagine?
Lose weight while you sleep. I try to dream of exercising now hoping
that the dream
will actually build my strength and make me lose weight.
When I saw the ad, of course I got together $12.95, bought a money order and
sent away for this miracle weight-loss product.
When it came and I unwrapped it, it looked like a bright, rose-colored shower
curtain...with arms and legs. It was plastic and had a long zipper down the
front. The whole idea was that you slept in these plastic pajamas, and since
your body is mainly made up of water, you would sleep and sweat it away.
Made sense to me. The instructions didn't say how fast this worked
but I worried
that I would wake up the next morning with a skinny body, a fat face, fat hands
and fat feet. But I could live with that. So I zippered myself into
my shower curtain suit and went to bed.
I didn't wake up skinny. But I did wake up wet. At first I thought I
might have
pee peed in my bed, but then I remembered the suit and thought, "It's working.
It's working. I'm melting away."
Every day I dried the suit out and would put it back on that night. I
was on to something here and was very excited. The fifth day,
however, when I took off
the plastic suit, I realized my skin was the same bright reddish color
all over my body as the suit was. Heat rash! Nobody said anything
about getting heat rash. But I was red all over except for my face,
hands and feet. Bright red!
I thought to myself, "How can I possibly get undressed for gym and take a shower
with this Indian-red body?" Of course everyone would want to know
what had happened to me. I couldn't think of any disease that caused
a rash on your body,
but left your feet, hands and face faultless.
Some kind soul in the gym shower solved the problem for me when he
declared: "Some bitch of a birthmark
you got buddy."
About the same time, the zipper broke on the front of my plastic suit
so I had to
decide whether to invest some more money and order another one or to trash it.
I trashed it. Now I have a suana.
