I AM A PRINCE. I'M PRETTY SURE OF IT.

My birth certificate says I was born in the Gastonia hospital.  It doesn't say anything about my royal personage.  But, of course, how would they know?  I mean, Royals aren't born with a silver crown in their mouths.  It has to do with your blood line. My guess is that I came from a line of Royal Gypsies, perhaps The Count of Gastonia in Transylvania, who lost his right to move up to kingdom on the Royal Ladder of Gypsy Heritage.That's just a guess.  Sure, you might laugh at me and wonder how I ever got sired by the Count of Gastonia.  Gypsies travel you know and it's a well documented fact that the Count of Gastonia came through here in 1935 via a Trailways Bus.  He got off here because the town was amazingly named after him.  He was traveling incognito at the time as gypsies often do.  Apparently he was a sperm donor at a local clinic.  It's the only way we can explain it because my Mother claims she would never have taken up (in the Biblical sense of the word) with a gypsy who was just passing through, even if swore on a goat that he was royal.  My feeling is that there might be a whole string of Royals living among us because the Count of Gastonia supported himself by being a sperm donor in the various places he travelled. Do you feel royal?  You may be a

Prince or a Princess, and chances are good that you are not being treated like one.  You've got to stand up for your rights!

 

     I felt  royal from the very beginning of life.  When I was born everybody was so elated because my Mother previously had six miscarriages before she finally had a healthy me.

Also, three of her sisters and my grandmother lived with us and they all adored me and made over me as if I were a little Prince.

 

     I was spoiled rotten. My wife says, "They didn't do you any favors", meaning she doesn't

intend to treat me like a prince.  If this were the olden days I would probably remind of of what happened to Marie Antoinette.  It was a wicked way for Louie to get her to shut up, but it worked. When you are King you can have the Royal Ax brought out on a moment's  notice.

It's also not sinful if you are King.  It's one of your many perks.  I'm not sure that this right applies to Gypsy Royalty however.

 

     I was treated royally for the first five years of my life.  But then I had to start school and

Miss Abernathy, my first grade teacher at Victory School, had never had a Royal in her class.

And without a crown or proof of some kind, I was just another snotty nosed mill kid.

 

     Later in life when my third daughter was born, we had a sure sign of royal heritage appear.  She was born with two thumbs on one hand..and everyone knows --- well, every gypsy knows --- this is a sure sign of royal blood.  Plus it makes thumbing a ride much easier when you grow up.

 

     Actually the double thumbs has been showing up every other generation on my Mother's side of the family.  My Mother had double thumbs.  She also did not have hair under her arms

and neither does Queen Elizabeth, so I am told.

 

     We had my daughter's extra thumb surgically removed  so she would not be self conscious and because my wife did not think it was a royal appendage.  When my daughter started kindergarten, she came home the first day in tears.  Apparently, on the bus to school, my two

older daughters told everyone about the double thumbs and they called my little darling a freak.

Everyone wanted to see it.

 

      I took her out on the back porch to console her and I told her that I was going to tell her a

secret and she had to pledge never to tell anyone else.  I explained  to her that in another time

and place, the double thumbs would have signified she was a sign of royalty and she would have been a Princess. Or maybe even the Queen.  She perked up at this revelation and got

a royal look as if she were sitting on a throne .  I warned her not to tell others because they would be jealous.

 

      I watched when she got on the school bus the next morning.  She ran through the bus with her crooked thumb held high yelling, "I am a Princess.,  I am a Princess.  Get off my bus!"

 

     So much for family secrets.  I still treat her like a Princess and she's now 37 years old.  She doesn't wear the crown I got her.  She says it falls off so easily when she has to vacuum.  I don't think other Royals do their own cleaning.  I can't imagine Queen Elizabeth with a vacuum.

Although she may have a Dirt Devil in her room to suck up cigarette ashes when she smokes.

I also can't imagine Queen Elizabeth going to the bathroom.  Or having sex ever.  It would be

easier imagining her with a vacuum.