CAROLINA VOICES

I DIDN'T SEE HOW I COULD RESIST

 

The direct mail flyer said "12 Pair of Eyeglasses Only $12...free shipping."  I couldn't believe my eyes.  Twelve pair of glasses...a

dollar each.  Sure, I know they are those cheap magnifying glasses,

but still...a dollar a pair was unbelievable.

 

I never have my glasses with me when I want to read something.  I'm always looking for them.  Last year I bought those plastic cords that you hook onto your glasses so they are always hanging around your neck. Then when I would go to read, I had to read through my breakfast oatmeal and other foodstuff.  And the cords broke within a week.  They aren't made like cafeteria trays.

 

This was the answer!  I could put glasses everywhere I roost during the day...back porch, nightstand, bathroom, kitchen, computer, car,

pocket...and I would still have five other pair to misplace. You had

a choice of 5 strengths...I've bought these things before and the lower

strengths don't do that much good.  But I was nervous getting the high

powered ones for fear they would make me cross-eyed.

 

Long ago before eyeglasses became a fashion statement...when I was a teenager...there was a saying that "boys never made passes at girl's who wore glasses."  You could tell which girls really needed glasses however...their dogs were a sure giveaway.  Actually my first love interest in the 8th grade was a girl who wore glasses.  But believe me,

nobody noticed her glasses!  She was built like a brick...well, you get the message.

 

I really hate it that glasses have become such a fashion statement because it means the frames now have designer logos and prices to

match.  When you go to an eyeglass place they've got hundreds to

choose from.  You make your selection only to discover that the price on the board only covers the frames.  The glass part is extra.

 

Last year I needed new prescription glasses.  I went to the doctor to get my eyes checked, but I went to Wal-Mart to order my glasses.

I took my old frames because I like them and they were still good.  So

when I talked to the salesperson, I told her I wanted new prescriptions put into the old frames.

 

She said, "We can do that, but it's still going to cost $180."

 

I said, "Why?"

 

She told me because I had not bought the glasses at Wal-Mart, they

would have to charge me the full price.  But I complained and told her

that I had in fact bought them at Wal-Mart.  Then she said, "Yes, but

it was more than a year ago, so I'm still going to have to charge full

price."

 

Usually at this point, smoke starts coming out of my ears and I start

ranting and raving...making a public spectacle out of myself.  But I

decided to try a different tact.

 

I looked at her very calmly and said, "You know, you are probably going to go the Hell for this."

 

She got so flustered...tried to explain to me that it was management's

decision and not hers.

 

I said, "Well, management is going to Hell, too.  There will be a whole

EyeWear Section in Hell."

 

When she wrote up my order, she said very quietly, "I'm only charging you for the glasses, not the frames."

 

I told her, "O.K.  You aren't going to Hell.  But management still is."

 

My wife laughed when I told her the story...but she was nervous because she claimed I would try to send people to Hell anytime I

didn't get my way.

 

"Damned right, Missy," I said.

 

"Why do people think you have the power to send them to Hell?" she

wanted to know.

 

I told her I had a very persuasive manner...that when I talked about Hell, I pointed to "down there" for emphasis.  Of course everyone isn't a Christian...but at Wal-Mart they are.