I remember fondly when Ranlo Mill would set up long tables under the shade trees and bring in a truckload of ripe watermelons for their annual Watermelon Eating Contest.
I don't know why I thought I could win, but every year I dreamed of winning. Nobody ever remembered who won even a week later so fame was fleeting. But yet I yearned to win.
Men would slice up dozens of watermelonons and we would gather around the table and start
eating, saving empty rinds to prove what we ate. I don't think I ever ate more than two pieces.
Maybe three. I also don't remember girls eating, although I'm sure they were welcomed. But
having an eating contest to your credit isn't like being Homecoming Queen.
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I thought of these contests recently when I watched the International Hot Dog Eating Contest
on TV. It was the sixth annual one and it was held at Nathan's on Coney Island. Nathan's Hot
Dogs aren't those skinny little finger dogs. These are MAN SIZE DOGS. And you have to eat
the bun and condiments including kraut. It's also a time-based competition to see how many you can eat in 12 minutes.
Last year's winner was on hand. He was a little Japanese guy. I thought he would at least
look like a sumo wrestler. But, no. He was small. And apparently most of the competitive
eaters aren't big and fat. Fat people can't hold as much. It's something about fat people having a small "first stomach". But the Jap didn't win again this year and I was glad. I still
haven't forgiven them about bombing Pearl Harbor. I know this guy didn't bomb us, but his
grandfather might have. And why is a Japanese person eating Nathan Hot Dogs? Let them
eat sushi, is what I say.
Anyway an American guy won. Guess how many he ate? Wrong! He ate 66 1/2 and it makes me gag even to write it. And I love hot dogs.
Soon after the contest I found that eating competitions have become a big thing. It's not an Olympic sport (yet), but it's a sport of sorts. They even have MAJOR LEAGUE EATING, a
franchise just like baseball and football. And you wonder why America is obese! There's even an International Federation of Competitive Eating. The name fills me with visions of members getting together eating everything in sight...paper plates, napkins, floral centerpieces, trays of bones. Even tablecloths.
My oldest grandson was glad to discover there is a wing eating contest. He thinks he might be able to win it. I told him about the watermelons but he's still confident. Last year's winner ate 146 buffalo wings in 12 minutes. That really doesn't seem like a lot. My grandson could probably eat that many but I'm not buying him a tray of wings to practice which he is hoping I would. When he was 8 years old he entered an apple eating contest and won. It was suppose to be an applie pie eating contest but they had already eaten all the pies so they
switched to plain apples. I was afraid my grandson was going to choke himself to death because he took huge bites and I don't think he chewed them much before swallowing. I guess that's what you have to do to win. The prize was a bucket of apples. We booed.
In the U.S. there are more than 4,000 sanctioned competitive eating contests each year.
And the number is growing. I guess people find it amusing to watch people stuff their faces
and overindulge. Many of the competitions are telecast on SPIKE and I imagine ESPN will
soon have a channel devoted to eating.
Here's just a sampling of what you might see: SPAM, hamburgers, cow brains, pizza, chili, corn dogs, cheesecakes, hardboiled eggs (winner last year ate 65 in 7 minutes), burritos,
blueberry pies, meatballs, corned beef and cabbage, grits (they had the contest in Louisiana
but South Caroline is the Grits Capital of the World...the winner ate 21 pounds), waffles, jalapenos, french fries. I wonder if they have Spring Training Camps?
Think you could win one of these? Get out your eating bib!
Richard Shea says competitive eating celebrates the individual freedom to strive and achieve;
to express the innermost self and ideals found only in the laws of nature. Sounds awfully high faluten for competive eating. Maybe this quote was about Dancing With the Stars.
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