PILLOW TALK

When I was a kid, as an only child I would hold a pillow over my face to see how long I could hold it without suffocating to death.

 

I know that probably seems a strange thing to do.  But, mind you, we were poor and I had few

things in the way of store-bought toys.  So attempting to suffocate myself was just one inexpensive way of playing.

 

I could go for about a minute and a half back then. Then I would yank the pillow off my face and gasp loudly for air.  Just seconds longer and I would have been a goner.  At my own hand.

 

My Mother, when she would hear the gasps (we had a very small house with very thin walls),

would yell out, "What are you doing in there?"

 

What did she think I was doing, I wondered.

 

I never answered her.  I just tried to gasp quieter the next time.  But it's difficult to gasp quietly if you have a real pillow on your face.

 

I would usually do the pillow thing four or five times trying to better my time, much as a swimmer might do.  I pretended to be in training for underwater swimming.  I had no intention

back then to end it all.

 

I still put the  pillow over  my face now that I am very old.  But now I'm practicing to put myself away when the time comes...mainly if things get any more shitty.  And I'm not apologizing for saying shitty.

 

You be the judge.

 

I am completely deaf.

I am blind in one eye.

I have had eye surgery on the so-called good eye four different times.

I had colon cancer that left me with a belly scar so big people think it is my ass crack.

I had a stroke.

I am bald.

I am fat.

I can't sing.

I will never get on DANCING WITH THE STARS unless they do a segment for physically challenged  people...which they probably will do.  (Wayne Newton looked physically challenged...he's had so much plastic surgery, he can't turn his head and he moved like

a robot that needed oil.)

My friends are dying like flies on the first cold day of autumn.

 

Add it up!

It comes to "shitty".

 

So I now put my pillow over my face after taking what I think might be my last breath.  I pretend it is my wife that's doing it.  Who could blame her.

 

I can hold my the pillow there for two minutes most.  Then I yank it off because, really...in

spite of all the aforementioned, I still condider myself lucky.  Especially with such a wonderful caregiver.

 

But I must say, I get a little nervous when I see her changing the pillowcases and coming

toward the bed with a fluffy pillow.  I start to cry out, "NO!  Not the PILLOW." But who would

hear me.