Or maybe not. My doctor says I have sleep apena. It's some new thing they've come up with to make you worry. People who have it quit breathing while they are sleeping...and they die. But generally they start breathing again...and start living again.
The doctor said, "You could die in your sleep."
I told him I wouldn't mind going that way. If you die in your sleep, you don't even know you're dead.
The conversation got me to thinking about death and dying. Mainly the different ways one could die, and the many ways I don't want to go. Not that you have control in the matter.
I would not want to be sucked into a batch of quicksand like Tarzan was always doing. Fortunately he had his trusted monkey,
Cheetah nearby (star of "Are You Smarter Than a Hollywood Monkey"). Cheetah would run get a vine that allowed Tarzan to
get out. Sometimes the bad guy would fall in, but Cheetah would not get the vine...he would just laugh hysterically. I have
a feeling he would get the vine for some dried banana chips.
I wouldn't want to be run over by an l8 wheeler. Even at a slow speed. Or by a 4-wheeler for that matter. No head-on crashes
either. Or being suffocated by a white air bag. (I got hit by a car once and my air bag came out. Once the car settled, I was
fairly certain I was in Heaven and that the air bag was a white cloud.)
The ocean scares me. And the things that live there. I wouldn't want to be eaten by a shark, a barracuda, or an octopus.
Or even a gang of hungry crabs. No piranahas or anything else that lives in the water. I especially wouldn't want to be eaten by an alligator. And don't say it couldn't happen because an 83-year-old woman here in South Carolina got eaten except for her feet.
I don't think the alligator liked her Crocs.
I hate snakes and wouldn't want to be eaten by one. I've seen pictures of them swallowing live rabbits so somewhere there may be a snake that could swallow me (that I would almost like to see!). No snake bites and no choking by a snake. I cut off my friendship
with a guy who bought a pet snake...a big one...and insisted on bringing the snake with him to social gatherings. He was soon gathering by himself.
I wouldn't want to fall out of a tall redwood tree or have one fall on m. Or be sawed in half at a sawmill...or by a poorly trained magician.
No beatings and no muggers, please. I wouldn't want a brick building to fall on me...or even one brick.
I wouldn't want to be nailed o a cross or burned at the stake even if it meant that someone would make a movie about me or
that I would become a saint. I'd rather help the poor.
I'm afraid of being put accidentally in a coffin while I am still alive. I am a shallow breather, so I have told my cousins to
put a mirror under my nose when they come to the funeral home and make sure I am not buried alive. It happens more
than you might imagine.
I don't want to be burned up (why do people say houses burn down, but people burn up?). A friend of mine wants to be
dro. pped into an active volcano when she passes on. I just think she is too cheap to pay for a regular cremation.
No poison arrows, please. Not even a plain one. I can't believe that William Tell actually let someone shoot an apple
off of his head.
I'm not crazy about dying from natural disasters --- floods, earthquakes, volcanoes, hurricanes, tornadoes. They seem to
be happening all the time. One deaf man like me got hit by lightning and it restores his hearing. But there have been
thousands of others who were fried like a big piece of bacon, so I'm not standing out in a storm flying a kite with a key on the
string.
I don't want to die after a long illness at home...or worse yet, aftere a long illness in a nursing home that would bankrupt mr.
I don't want to be hit on the head with a baseball at a Braves game. Or even at a Little League game. Or run over by a loose
racecar at the track.
I know you can't control how you are going to die unless you do it yourself which isn't my style. But I hope it will be quiet and
painless with a smile on my face without my tongue hanging out. (Have you ever noticed that funeral homes never put a smile
on anybody's face? The dead always look so....dead. I want a smile on my face with my teeth showing...maybe even have
my hand in my pants.)
F
The doctor said, "You could die in your sleep."
I told him I wouldn't mind going that way. If you die in your sleep, you don't even know you're dead.
The conversation got me to thinking about death and dying. Mainly the different ways one could die, and the many ways I don't want to go. Not that you have control in the matter.
I would not want to be sucked into a batch of quicksand like Tarzan was always doing. Fortunately he had his trusted monkey,
Cheetah nearby (star of "Are You Smarter Than a Hollywood Monkey"). Cheetah would run get a vine that allowed Tarzan to
get out. Sometimes the bad guy would fall in, but Cheetah would not get the vine...he would just laugh hysterically. I have
a feeling he would get the vine for some dried banana chips.
I wouldn't want to be run over by an l8 wheeler. Even at a slow speed. Or by a 4-wheeler for that matter. No head-on crashes
either. Or being suffocated by a white air bag. (I got hit by a car once and my air bag came out. Once the car settled, I was
fairly certain I was in Heaven and that the air bag was a white cloud.)
The ocean scares me. And the things that live there. I wouldn't want to be eaten by a shark, a barracuda, or an octopus.
Or even a gang of hungry crabs. No piranahas or anything else that lives in the water. I especially wouldn't want to be eaten by an alligator. And don't say it couldn't happen because an 83-year-old woman here in South Carolina got eaten except for her feet.
I don't think the alligator liked her Crocs.
I hate snakes and wouldn't want to be eaten by one. I've seen pictures of them swallowing live rabbits so somewhere there may be a snake that could swallow me (that I would almost like to see!). No snake bites and no choking by a snake. I cut off my friendship
with a guy who bought a pet snake...a big one...and insisted on bringing the snake with him to social gatherings. He was soon gathering by himself.
I wouldn't want to fall out of a tall redwood tree or have one fall on m. Or be sawed in half at a sawmill...or by a poorly trained magician.
No beatings and no muggers, please. I wouldn't want a brick building to fall on me...or even one brick.
I wouldn't want to be nailed o a cross or burned at the stake even if it meant that someone would make a movie about me or
that I would become a saint. I'd rather help the poor.
I'm afraid of being put accidentally in a coffin while I am still alive. I am a shallow breather, so I have told my cousins to
put a mirror under my nose when they come to the funeral home and make sure I am not buried alive. It happens more
than you might imagine.
I don't want to be burned up (why do people say houses burn down, but people burn up?). A friend of mine wants to be
dro. pped into an active volcano when she passes on. I just think she is too cheap to pay for a regular cremation.
No poison arrows, please. Not even a plain one. I can't believe that William Tell actually let someone shoot an apple
off of his head.
I'm not crazy about dying from natural disasters --- floods, earthquakes, volcanoes, hurricanes, tornadoes. They seem to
be happening all the time. One deaf man like me got hit by lightning and it restores his hearing. But there have been
thousands of others who were fried like a big piece of bacon, so I'm not standing out in a storm flying a kite with a key on the
string.
I don't want to die after a long illness at home...or worse yet, aftere a long illness in a nursing home that would bankrupt mr.
I don't want to be hit on the head with a baseball at a Braves game. Or even at a Little League game. Or run over by a loose
racecar at the track.
I know you can't control how you are going to die unless you do it yourself which isn't my style. But I hope it will be quiet and
painless with a smile on my face without my tongue hanging out. (Have you ever noticed that funeral homes never put a smile
on anybody's face? The dead always look so....dead. I want a smile on my face with my teeth showing...maybe even have
my hand in my pants.)
F
No comments:
Post a Comment